Would you like fries with that?

"A man gazing at the stars is at the mercy of
the puddles in the road. "

The Dualers ~ Buskers in UK charts at no.21

Kill Yourself Like a Man ~ If you have to..

Alternate Universe ~ Grandparents heads swapped with babies.

First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.
Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needing' ."
After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He kept messing around and created a girl.
Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,
Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.
Two lovely hips to increase his desire,
And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.
Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,
Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.
Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,
And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.
Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,
And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.
'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.
Then he added a mouth and f***ed up the whole thing.
It's just a joke

John Peel R.I.P.

John Peel R.I.P. 1939 -2004

If you're happy and you know it...

"I still say a church steeple with a
lightning rod on top shows a lack of confidence."

.

Office Timewaste ~ without the litter.

Skate Board Dog ~ Most people have seen it but it rocks!

Plastic Surgery ~ What is wrong with (some) females?

E.I.E.I.O.

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

Rrrrats...



Ok, review time.. I went to see a preview of 'Finding Neverland' starring Johnny Depp and Kate Winslett. As it is a preview and not many peoples have seen it then I figured I should share. Go me....

Finding Neverland ~ I found it to be a magical story of a man who had great, child-like vision. J.M.Barry was the author/ playwrite of Peter Pan and probably would never guessed Toyah would end up being Peter in a pantomime every year , judging by this story he may have approved of the delighted children witnessing it. It's a bit(a bit) like Big Fish but set in old London and possibly Victorian times. I found the film was very poignant and sad at times but generally up-lifting. There were a few children at the cinema but I would think under 7's would get bored with the 'grown up' storyline. It isn't Peter Pan but is a marvellous insight into the man who created him.

GGGGGGGGGG (8 G's out if 10) trailer here

Rock, Paper, Scissors ~ They have a world champion....?

Dog showing off ~ Seen it all.... gotta die now!

Tuesdays Choon ~ Dignity by Deacon Blue

Sing when your winning..

Sing horsey, sing ~ Click the horses for minutes of fun.

Mount Rushmore sings ~ Very Python-esque.

Cat sings ~ 2.30am re-visited

Newsman attacked ~ 'Put that on the news..'

Risk it for a biscuit...

"Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong."

My nightmare ~ Every night.. EVERY night!

Fussball showboat ~ Fluke!!?

AD/CD?? ~ Too much headbanging me thinks.

Love to win..

..We don't need no steenkin' badges!

"It is a mistake to think you can solve any major
problems just with potatoes."

Bush Cheats ~ ........again!

Dog v Cat ~ Dog wins..yay

Fair Vote ~ America can't mess up democracy again...can it?


weeeeeeeeeee

What's another word for Thesaurus?

"It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature."

Tuesday's Chooon ~ The Way - Fastball


Rate your pet ~ Nice pussy..

Un-be-leiv-able ~ Be amazed...It'll blow your mind...at least twice.

Bush Action Figures ~ I want 'Party-time Bush' for Xmas.

Whoooahh Dude ~ tick follows tock, follows tick......

Breaking News ~ Is this you?



Who threw that?

I'm melting...

"A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her."

Cute Pussy Action ~ Poor song, nice kittys.

Chicken Slave ~ Colonel Sanders favorite. Dance, Foghorn, dance.

Time Calculator ~ How many days since.....?

You're not me ~ (UK) Find out if you have a unique name.

I know the feeling.

Don't think of an orange..

"Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome. "

Amazing Zoom ~ It's magic. Warning:takes along time to load. Broadband recommended

Gay Test ~ Another failed exam

Spelling Bee ~ Cracks me up. No-one helps him, great recovery

Ele-phants Yeah ~ Some kultcha for ya

Bannana Guard ~ Genius

"Bring it on ...."

Hurt me....

Salad Fingers 2 ~ It's not right

Draw ~ A very nice site, mouse control essesntial.

Slap Dubya ~ Add to John Kerry's favorites list.

Slap da butt ~ That's more like it. Sweet spanking action


Hmmmmmpffff


Ok, David Beckham. The fuss is that he deliberately fouled someone to get a yellow card to serve his two card suspension, knowing that he was going to miss the next game anyway with a rib injury sustained seconds before the yellow card incident. So what?.... The rules do not say this can't be done. A yellow card is issued if you foul someone and most yellow cards are delibrate fouls anyway. A trip, a pull back, a push. If Beckham wants to wipe the yellow card slate clean for the next time he plays and he is 'smart' enough to get booked before he is pulled off (oo-er missus) then I say, 'good on ya'.

Ironically, Beckham boasts how smart he was but by doing this he has shown his ignorance and played into his critics hands. They call for retrospective punishment. 'Take away his captaincy' some have wailed. No-one punished Maradona after his 'hand of God' admission. What rule has Beckham broken? He was booked for the foul.
If he had taken his shirt off he would have also been yellow carded (absurd). Would everyone be up in arms then? FIFA only have themselves to blame. Their naive approach to the game by introducing daft rules, like having to leave the pitch after being treated, shows they have no idea how to organise the greatest game on earth. Surely a better rule to stop time wasting would be, not to punish injured players, but have immediate substitutions without stopping the game. The amount of times a substitution is deliberatly used to slow down a game is laughable and frustrating.

Keep the game going while the player has to be replaced, you would soon see them run off the pitch then. All this just shows that every player or manager will bend the rules to suit them... as for what Beckham did... I repeat, ....So What?
RANT OVER.

Did I Shave my Legs for This?

See through skirts ~ Good idea..on the right person.

Panoramic Sydney ~ Magnificent

Make your own band ~ Minutes of fun



I love Country music, in fact I love any type of music. Country is best enjoyed in the hot Texas air but you can admire their titles anywhere. Here are a few of my favourites ~

Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure.

I Gave Her My Heart And A Diamond And She Clubbed Me With A Spade

If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?

Mommy, Can I Still Call Him Daddy?

Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You

My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him.

Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better

Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart.

Would Jesus Wear A Rolex On His Television Show?

Your Negligee Has Turned To Flannel Nightgowns

You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly.

I'd Rather Hear A Fat Girl Fart Than A Pretty Boy Sing

I Knew I'd Hit Rock Bottom When I Woke Up On Top Of You.

countrysongtitles.com

You'll catch your death..

monkey tennis?


B*ll*cks ~ The facts... possibly, well it must be true it's on the internet.

No excuses ~ except...what she say?

Tuesday's Chooon ~ Out of Control by Hoobastank

"An American thinks 100 years is a long time..

An Englishman thinks 100 miles is a long way.

My barin hrtus

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Salad Fingers ~ Disturbing genius.

The Ticket ~ My favorite web radio station: Dallas, Tx Sports Radio 1310 The Ticket.

David Hasselhoff ~ Unnecessarily Gay Flash intro?

Got 5 mates? ~ Get a 5-a-side team into a league near you.

Smuggling Peanuts

How many people died today? - Fascinate and bore yourself in one move!

Look out teddy!! - They shouldn't have gone down to the woods today.

'Dad, how does that work?' - Answers to most questions that make you look daft for not knowing.

Kenya is great - I can never get this tune out of my head when I hear it.

Good God woman, that's nasty

An affair with....

I am a football(soccer) loving Englishman from Whitstable, Kent. I have recently dipped my toe in U.S. sport and have to confess I am having an affair with...NFL, MLB ETC. American sport is gripping my thing that can be gripped.

Baseball, oh baseball. What a genius game.

Baseball, what a great game. Americans are aware of this but I don't think they know that in Britain, baseball is seen as a girls school game called rounders. If you are like me then we have sad memories of rounders. Rain sodden plimsoles, chewed up wooden bats thrown behind into drenched queues of bored 12 year olds, 'rounder,rounder,rounder' chants as you scoot around the diamond.

Forget all that. Baseball is a dream. I brought a Playstation 2 game, All Star Baseball and couldn't hit the ball. I was swinging away at every pitch and missing. It was then I realised that baseball is far more sophisticated than that. Just like cricket, the bowler(pitcher) is sending the ball wayward to try and get you to swing wildly at the ball. I know I am preaching to the converted in America but believe me, in Europe this is big news. It is a mind game of good pitches versus bad pitches versus teasing pitches. The batsman is playing a patient game, he has a split second to make up his mind whether he trys to hit it or let it fly outside the 'strike zone'. Anyway the upshot of all this is that I have discovered the greatness of baseball.


NFL football is an amazing spectacle of tactics over brute strength. The teams in the NFL are fairly well matched due to the Draft system and salary caps. There are no promotion or relegation and so you don't end up with the madness of Crystal Palace in the top flight of entertainment.

I am fast losing faith in English soccer.

It starts with Barnsley in the Premier League then Derby, now Fulham, Crystal Palace, Portsmouth, Norwich, West Brom even Middlesborough is pushing it for me. My beloved West Ham are slogging it out with Rotherham whilst Andy Gray is drooling over the prospect of a wonderful future Sky game of Norwich v Portsmouth!!
I am seriously considering dropping my Sky Sports subscription and signing up for NASN the American sports network in England. Haven't done it yet due to the fact that it's hard to watch one 90 minute game when you are in a relationship. Baseball has a 162 game season!!! No chance for us pussy-whipped men.

Rookie Blog

Thinking I need a presence on the web, I have decided to get blogging. I frequently surf around and thought I'd give it a crack. I have no idea what I am going to do, in fact this post is really just a test to see what my blogging adventures will look like.
To follow will be a profile of yours truly but until then this is the BIG Dipper signing off....over and out... ciao....